"Just one more."
"If only I could get just a weensy bit more."
"All I ask is for one more thing."
"Man, I am a little bit short."
"It doesn't look like it's going to be enough."
Sometimes, we say these things in reference to something we have or are making, or our money, or our time, or our bodies, or our "flaws". But when we learn more about where these words come from, we learn something way more personal.
I believe we always show up as who we are. If I am a strict person when I am privately inspecting myself in the mirror, I may have strict expectations when it comes to work. If I'm a forgiving person to myself, I will be a forgiving person to others. If I think there is never enough, then I may hoard when "free" is offered or I may accept none of it and think "it's too good to be true." If I think there is always enough, I will always be looking for a chance to give.
I have tried to modify how I am for different scenarios, but I have only been able to hold up the mask to an extent. There have always been clues that give me away. If I am a private person trying to be open at a function, I inevitably hold back just a little or wrap up conversations a little early or keep the conversations at a superficial depth or hold my hands in a closed or hidden pattern. There are always clues.
You always show up as you.
What is "you" saying?
I'm a listener and dissector of spoken words; it is one of my husband's pet peeves about me. But it is also one of my strengths! I have found that people unconsciously work "key words" into their everyday language. These key words are the words their minds replay over and over in their minds. Words repeated in the mind become beliefs. Beliefs form attitudes. Attitudes leak out into words. This is where my ears perk up and my eyes start observing. Leaked-out words unconsciously affect what we do or at least how we do it. Invariably, these acts determine the results we get. These results, of course, solidify our beliefs. "See! I told you that always happens to me!"
What does this have to do with money and personal finances?
THOUGHTS → BELIEFS ...
If you have developed certain beliefs about yourself or the world or the Lord, do you think you might spend your money in accordance with that belief? Do you think you might budget amounts for different categories based on that belief? Might it be a problem if your belief clashes with your spouse's belief or your employer's belief?
I'll share with you one of the things I did not realize I believed until (painfully) recently. Maybe you have believed it, too.
"I do not have enough time!"
"There is not enough to give even a little bit."
"I wish I could do more."
What did I believe?
This surprised me considering my financial situation: debt-free, several months of expenses saved up in the bank, several other savings accounts for different things I am saving toward. I honestly have everything I need. I didn't realize I had been playing "not enough" over and over in my head. I caught myself also saying things like:
"Oh- honey, that's not going to be enough."
"Sweetie, you missed a spot."
"Dear, thanks for cleaning the kitchen, but I noticed you didn't clear off the microwave cart."
"Ugh! I can't believe I forgot that one thing!"
(How often have you said "There isn't enough time in the day!" or "If only I could clone myself!"?)
My attitude about "never enough" was showing up everywhere! Nothing was ever enough. Not what I did. Not what my husband did. Not what anybody did. Not what the weather did. Is it because there was lack? Only in my eyes. But hold on, it gets better...
My words clued in to what I had been feeling, something I think a lot of people feel or have felt at some point.
"I am not enough."
When I FEEL like I am not enough, then that FEELING of "not enough" starts showing up wherever I go. If my body acts out the feeling, it acquires something new. If it will not shop or hoard, then it worries. If worrying is not enough, then it says that the stuff around or the people around are not doing or being enough. Freaky, huh?
While the messages that surface may not always be rainbows and sprinkles, they are always helpful. Women are so often on the go-go-go or distracted by immediate situations, we tend to ignore what is going on in our spirits. These manifestations of internal dialogue are blessings because they say "Hey, you! Wait a minute! Would you pull out this splinter?"
Mosiah 4: 30 bears a warning to pay attention to the pattern of our internal dialogue:
"But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not."
Why do you think the Lord also said "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he"? (Proverbs 23:7)
Can you see how FEELING like you are not enough can translate into FEELING the income you have or the car you have or the clothes you have or the callings you serve in are not enough? Can you see how that attitude may ooze onto people you love or opportunities that come your way? Can you see how that may affect your spending habits or your ability to save? How can you stop spending when you are subsconsciously trying to patch up your not-enoughness? How can you grow a retirement account if your large savings or food stash still feels like not enough?
I had a revelation this past weekend that came in a picture in my mind, as most of my epiphanies do. I saw God building me, this creature called Adhis. He was putting together my physical traits, uploading my personality, and equipping me with abilities. He then stepped back and said, "This is exactly enough for her experience." If He thinks it is enough, I must be.
God created YOU
perfectly JUST RIGHT for His design.
When He put you together, He stepped back, checked out His work and said, "YES! That's exactly what I wanted!"
He designed you and He designed me exactly to His specifications. Do you trust His design?
I am exactly enough and so are you.